Ever wake up one morning and wonder what you had done with your life? 

During my illness this was a thought I had often.  After all, I thought I was facing death when they brought up the "C" word.

I began to wonder just what I had done with my life.  Well, I was a daughter.  Not always a good one.  I was a wife.  Not always a good one.  I was a mother.  Not always a good one.  I was a grandmother.  Here I can honestly say I was a good one.

All the dreams I had as a girl had never come true.  But then they were not always realistic.  I wanted to be a fighter pilot.  That was something unheard of in my youth.  No lady pilots then.  I also wanted to be a research librarian.  That was my "real" dream I think.  I love to look up stuff and learn and share. But there were drawbacks like distance to the college of my choice and money.  So I became a clerk.  That was my existence for the rest of my life.  Not a happy one but I was good at it.  It paid the bills too.

Still you look back and you wonder.  What if?  Did I miss something?  Did I not have the courage to follow my dreams?  What if?

Thinking back I realized all the mistakes.  I also realized all the good.  I realized I made a lot of friends.  I tried to help people whenever I could.  Gave advice when it was probably not needed or wanted.  Gave as much love as I could to family and friends.  Somehow I think that was probably the most I could ask of my life. If I had been meant to be a fighter pilot, it would have happened.