Do you believe that you can know when you are ready to die? For the last year, my health has zigzagged all over the place. I've prayed for healing and asked others to pray for my healing.
I wrote about being alone most of the time. I wasn't, really. God was with me, and family and friends were with me spiritually. I've never really minded being alone. Over the years, I have come to like myself and enjoyed the time I've spent reading and learning.
The endoscopy and colonoscopy showed no evidence of problems, so it was another hurdle jumped successfully. There is one more cardiac MRI at the end of the month. I don't believe, and I think the doctor doesn't either, that this will show anything. The hole is in a spot that would take open heart surgery to close, and I'm certainly not going to do that at 80.
I'm sad it can't be fixed, but I'm glad. I hate that I may never get to see my great-grandchildren graduate or marry, yet I seldom see them now.
I've been painting the last few days. I so enjoy my "coloring". I'm going to give most away. As I paint, I listen to music. It changes quite often. I love the old 80s, 70s and 60s. I love classical. I love Irish and Celtic and, of course, the "old" country. I love just about everything. I always said it was sad that our lives didn't have a soundtrack. Yet, it does. All the music you've enjoyed your entire life.
So, am I ready to die? Yes. It's liberating!!! I gave my life to Christ some time ago. I've sinned many times since then. Each time, I felt His forgiveness. Is there a heaven or hell? I believe there are. I would like to be in heaven, and there are a lot of people who so deserve hell.
My days are happy. I ignore the bad, rejoice in the good, and just live. No worries. I let them go. God will decide when I am to die. That's comforting, knowing I don't have to worry about it.
