Christmas lessons

 This Christmas period has been really different from previous ones. I did the things I normally have done since Bill died, yet things are different.

My grandchildren are adults, some now in their 30s and 40s. Their lives have changed, and my own life has changed yet stayed the same. Mostly because I gave up.

For one thing, I realized I've been wrapped up in my own life and have no clue what is happening in their lives. Am I a selfish woman? Yes. I'm afraid that is me.

I won't apologize. I've always been a bit selfish. I think I thought it was allowed at my age. It isn't, and I'm ashamed of it. I stayed out of their lives because I was lazy and didn't want to intrude. Perhaps I should have done a bit more intruding. Because I don't really know them now, perhaps they prefer it that way. And if so, that's okay.

I remember my good friend Barbara telling me she raised her sons; they were on their own as adults. I didn't like that, but now I know she was right in a lot of ways.

A conversation with a grandson this week really made me think. I don't see him often, and he is a step-grandson, but I have always felt close to him loving him as my own. He brought me a gift of an enlarged canvas print of Bill, and me backed in 1980. We were on one of the few vacations we ever took on the Blue Ridge Parkway. It's a favorite photo, but seeing it larger took my breath away. I had tears, and I told him I forgot that Bill and I were pretty good-looking people once upon a time.

Since that visit, I have been thinking about our conversation. I may need to work on myself. All this ill health stuff has changed me. I changed my thinking to something I don't like.

I may write more. You can like it or not. I've always written for myself. I shared it because a few people told me it helped them. Since I first started the blog, I found Christ. Now, my writing reflects my love of the Lord. I've been praying and thinking today. I hope the information I have written will help you.