lost and found

I keep sitting down and starting a new post. And then I'm stumped. Words are not coming like they once did. And some of the things I want to say may hurt others.

I've been praying and waiting. 

It will soon be a year since I had Covid. While my case was mild, it unleashed a bunch of new health issues, such as blood clots, pneumonia, and a hole in my heart that, at this time, seems impossible to fix. 

All of that brought me down. I lapsed into a depression that has been a problem for most of my life. The saddest part is how alone I felt. Before you jump, I know I was not alone. There were people in my life, but being the independent woman I am, I didn't reach out. There were many days I just wanted God to let me die. While I cowered and felt sorry for myself, those people kept going. I was the one who lost.

God has given me answers, even though I didn't like them. Yet, I knew where I am today is where He put me. He didn't give me directions, so I am living slowly to catch on to this new person He wants me to be. Through it all, I knew I had the most critical person in my life—God. It's beautiful how He waits for us to notice Him and sends answers.

Am I better? Well, the depression has lessened. I've found some peace with my new decisions, knowing God is leading me.